We all have those short lived relationships or should I say people we hung out with briefly. You know the ones that didn’t last long enough to talk about or ones you kind of regret because it ruined something else that was growing between you two. Maybe you can find a way to keep that friendship yet at times you know that no matter what you can never go back. Now I have had some very interesting experience when it came to men and let me tell you they were a lot of fun. Like everyone else I have a few stories that to this day I’ve never told anyone. It wasn’t because of the person mainly because I will always have some kind of respect and feelings for him. The sad thing was we had a chance of seeing each other quite often and we all know how that can be, that awkward look, the uneasy conversation, and then comes all the questions in your head you wish you could ask.

Okay so let me start at the beginning, it was when first moved to New York. For those of you that have picked up and moved leaving behind you knew beyond understand the feelings, not only I, but he, was having. So this guy had recently moved to New York as well from a southern state. He was so handsome with a smile that could instantly brighten you day. He had a very nice dark complexion and you could tell he worked out a couple times a week. He had the softest voice with a slit accent, I can’t lie just standing there talking to him was a turn on. Maybe it was the fact that we both were new to the area or that he was probably the sweetest, most caring, and accepting man I had ever met, but we cling to each other from the first day we met. It all started with grabbing quick lunches and talking about the lives we had said goodbye to then it led to happy hour drinks after work most days.

As the weeks went by he and I began talking on the phone randomly throughout the day, keep in mind we saw each other every day as well, so how much that did we really have to talk about? The thing was if you saw us in public you would think we had nothing in common, yet it felt as though we had known each other our whole lives. Every night before bed he would call and tell me all about his day and I would tell him about mine, I guess we wanted to make sure that we hadn’t missed out on anything. It was as if I needed to hear his voice in order for me to be able to sleep at night then each morning he would send me a good morning text, now that’s a man that is interested in you right? Or maybe it is just a man that is needing a little comfort in this crazy world we live in.

Although there was nothing sexual going on between us at this time we went out at least three times a week you know dinners, movies, drinks, and even a few clubs. The funny thing was he would never leave my side and at times I would catch him watching me then he’d just smile. I was having the time of my life with him and I knew my friendship was want he needed right now. Maybe I was looking more into this then I should have been, but really I think we were dating. So I decided to look for more clues, a few times while out drinking he would place his hand on my thigh real quick or shoulder then pull away nervously. One time at a scary movie we both jumped at some part which we ended up hugging each other for a moment which led to him holding my hand throughout the rest of the movie. Now if that wasn’t something you would do on a date then I don’t know what I am talking about.

This went on for months, almost a year. Now he and I had some mutual friends and we both ended up at some guys birthday party. It was a friend of a friend for us both, but a different friend so none of them know about this. When I first got to the bar I noticed him there we said our usual hi’s, gave a cute smile, then decided to go mingle with the people we were with. The party wasn’t that exciting I sat with a few friends and chatted most of the night, but for some reason I was unable to take my eyes off him. That was when things started to get a little weird. So I guess everyone was pretty drunk because now they all started to couple up, you know some guy and girl kissing in the corner, a few leaving, or even just a loud annoying conversation in the background about sex. I looked over to my guy and there he was, with not just one girl, but two, one on each side. One girl was kissing his neck and the other on his lips both of them rubbing on him. A friend and I decided it was time to go by the way things were going it would not be a good end to the night.

A few of us left and stopped at a pizza shop at the corner of the block, thank god for greasy food when you are drunk. We were still in line when I heard that sweet, deep, southern accent, say my name. I turned to find that he had followed us and here I assumed he was going to be like the man and take the two girls home. I wasn’t going to hold back so after we found a table and everyone else was lost in conversation I asked him about the girls and all he said was, “Yeah, one of them has been after me and she figured I would say yes if she and her friend wanted to chill.” I guess for months she had been sending him naughty emails and being pretty upfront with what she wanted to do to him all he said was, “She’s not my type and I don’t like fucking girls that will let any dude have it.” I couldn’t help but smile then went back to my pizza.

We spent more time there then I had expected funny thing was, there were about six of us, we had a better time there than at the party. When it was time to go some people went to find the subway I had decided to take a cab home and since my guy and I both lived in Brooklyn we figured to split one. What I hadn’t notice was when we got into the car he never gave an address then when we got to my place he went up with me. It was like neither of us even thought it weird and then it happened, he kissed me the second we got into my apartment. Thankfully for us my roommate was out of town so I had the place to myself and by how this night was turning out I was glad we would.

So that night we had the most aggressively, loud, intense sex ever. The way he kissed me felt as though he had been longing to have me, the touch of his hands was a little rough but still sent my body into overload. Feeling his skin against mine was a dream come true, the smell he gave off and his taste was all I would need if he wanted to make me his. He was a pretty big guy down there but he knew how to get my body ready for what he had to offer. No to mention he could last for so long and when he did finally cum he still didn’t go down, it wasn’t until the second time he finished that he was fully satisfied and ready for bed. I couldn’t believe that we had sex and let me tell you wow, we did it all over my place and I was sure the others in the building could hear the sounds of our passion. This really gave me hope that maybe we had found something true and loving in each other.

I fell asleep in his arms and dreamt that would be my safe place locked in his embrace. The next morning was where things got a little weird. When I finally woke up he was in the shower already so I decided to join him, but I found the door locked. When I knocked he didn’t reply so I figured he couldn’t hear me. I went and sat on the couch to wait for him, honestly I was hoping we could have grabbed breakfast for something, that wasn’t going to happen. He came out of the bathroom fully dressed saying he was running late for something, not really sure what because he tried his hardest not to make eye contact with me. As he double checked to make sure he wasn’t leaving anything behind I went to start my shower and that was when I heard my apartment door slam.

My first instinct was to run out on my fire escape and I watched him has he rushed to the train not even looking back.

After a few days I decided to give him a call but he didn’t answer and he never called me back. Every now and then he and I would run into each other although it always awkward, we still said hi and how are you, but that was it. There was always a rush of panic that came over his face the moment he saw me walk into a room and that only made my heart beat fast. I truly had feelings for him mostly of a friend but he was important to me that first year I had lived in New York and I know I had been for him. The funny thing was he didn’t need to react that way I would have never told anyone, then again I had no idea what demons he was fighting with already.

That’s the thing I really couldn’t say if I thought he was, bi, gay, DL, or maybe he was just curious? Not that it mattered, but I often thought about that with the men that had come into my life. So many of them seemed unsure of their sexuality but it could just be their upbringing or how they think the outside world would treat them. I know it’s sad that some men can be so afraid of who they really are, but do they end up being happy living their lie?

I never told anyone this story because I was more upset with the outcome, but I was used to that and I knew I would be over it soon. It took a while to not expect his calls the truth was I deleted his number knowing that some drunken night I would text him demanding an explanation. There was really nothing that needed to be said, he and I were friends, we had an emotional relationship that led us to sex, some unforgettable sex. He seems to be doing great, he’s married to a women and following his dreams. I’m sure he has pushed our night to the back of his mind where he is sure to never think about it, or me, again.

So here you go one of my untold stories and now it joins the others out there, stories of the many bi-curious men hiding or choosing to live their life on the down low…